Alone

It’s been a bad day.

You know those days where nothing goes right? Yeah. Bad. So here I am curled up in a blanket, watching The Lizzie McGuire Movie, and sipping on some hot tea. The best remedy for a bad day, obviously.

This morning I had an echo-cardiogram for Mitral Valve Prolapse. My mom was with me six years ago when I was diagnosed, but today I had to do it on my own and that scared me.

And I cried.

Don’t worry, I’m going to be okay, MVP isn’t life threatening in my case. But I cried because I felt alone. Flat out alone.

Seeing my little gimpy valve flap around on the imaging screen, I felt tears starting to come down my face. I didn’t have anyone near me to comfort me. To tell me that I’m going to be okay. To tell me that I have nothing to worry about.

Today I needed someone.

I needed God.

When I was younger, God was like an imaginary friend to me. I took him everywhere with me and he was always there no matter where I went. I used to even sit on my swing set and talk to him out loud, and I honestly never felt lonely back then. As I got older, other things became more important in my life. I grew up and God became just someone that I sang to in church.

How do I get swing set conversations back?

I desperately crave to have the relationship with God that I had years ago. I want to be able to talk out loud to him, I want to be able to look to my side and see him near me. I need him more than ever now that I’m on my own. I simply can’t do this life alone.

Isaiah 41:10 says,

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

How awesome is it that God promises us that he will always be with us?? He strengthens us to not just make it through our day, but to conquer it, even the days when nothing goes right.

 

God was with me the whole time today, but I ignored it. He was right there in that room with me. He was with me when I was sad, scared, and hopeless.

In the stillness of the night, I can almost feel that swing set feeling again. The feeling that his arms are wrapped around me the way a father wraps his arms around his sick or hurting child. Tomorrow as my busy life starts up again, I want that feeling to last. God is always with me. His love and comfort are secure.

He will never leave me and I promise, he will never leave you.

Love,

Caitlin